Daycare

There've been no real pictures on my recent posts because I was without my own computer for a little over a month after our house was broken into in August.


Since Preacher Dad started his chaplain residency in late August, that's also when J started daycare. It was a surreal thing to take a school supply list to the store and buy him crayons and scissors and watercolors already. I was veryanxious about how he would do the first day. I knew that even if he cried it wouldn't last long, but you just hate to leave them wailing.

He was so excited to go, but then when he realized I wasn't staying he got pretty upset. I had to leave him sobbing and reaching past the teacher for me. I smiled, told him a confident, "Goodbye, I'll see you at lunch" and then I went to my car and cried before I drove to work.

The next day he was just a little whiny when I was leaving, and by the third day, he ran off to play, only quickly running back to give me a kiss. Now he's eager to go and hardly waits for me to sign him in before running off to play. I love that he loves it so much, and we are both happy andfulfilled, and that's worth every penny.

Ready to go to his first day at daycare!

Isn't his Elmo Backpack cool? Cuddle bear goes with him to daycare, but stays in his cubby except naptime or if he gets hurt.

This last picture is of him heading home from his first day. he is such a big boy!

Little Victories

Today I'm just feeling ridiculously grateful for some things that may seem really strange to you. I have this outfit, a pair of brown herringbone trousers and a pink button up top that I bought about 3 years ago. It was a favorite outfit, the kind that made me feel stylish, professional, feminine and powerful.

Then I got pregnant... then I had an ileostomy bag...then I was underweight and it hung on me like a big ugly bag.

Today I wore that outfit to work, and it fit, and I looked in the mirror and recognized that same stylish professional feeling.

To top it all off, I got the results of my bloodwork back and my hemoglobin levels have returned to a good healthy level.

They are little victories, but for me they represent an immense sense of relief, wonder, and gratitude.

I'm a frequent reader over at a blog called Beauty Tips for Ministers. Its author PeaceBang offers this challenge to the use of the term "little old lady" especially among church professionals.

I admit I have been using this phrase since I was just a little kid, having grown up in a parsonage family. We did it for a lot of reasons, but most of them had everything to do with why PeaceBang finds such language totally offensive. It is true that our family was sometimes terrorized by women in their later years who seemed, by my young estimation, bent on making our lives difficult.

Now that I'm a older, a little wiser, and now in the pastoral role myself, I can acknowledge that much of the behavior we disliked about them so much was indeed a grasping for a little control and power in a stage of life where they were so easily dismissed by so many.

As a young woman who proudly claims a feminist point of view, one of my greatest frustrations has been how often the discrimination I have faced in ministry has come from other women. It is a jarring look in the mirror to acknowledge that my use of the phrase "Little Old Lady" is a blatant participation in the diminishing of women's power, intelligence, and voice.

Not only that, I realize it robs me of the opportunity to get to know them as people. I have been amazed by the stories of a couple of the older women I've gotten to know already in my ministry. Some were in the forefront of women's rights in my own denomination. Others have raised multiple generations of family, and all of them have much to say, much to teach, and deserve a pastor who encounters them as a person.

I cannot promise that I will have endless patience with every older woman I serve. I won't promise not to be annoyed when I receive unsolicited opinions about whether or not my son should still be using a pacifier, but I certainly acknowledge that "Little Old Lady" is every bit as offensive as calling a woman a B****, or The Little Wife, or any of the other terms so often used to silence women, and I will strike it from my vocabulary. Will you?

(The photo here is a sample photo from clipart.com, I do not know the woman pictured or the photographer who took the photo.)

Balancing act

The last month of our lives has been one of major transition. We have moved from the suburbs of Chicago back to Wichita. We've moved into a new rental home,and begun the long process of figuring out what life after school really looks like.
I already feel like I'm in a near-perfect placement as the associate pastor in a large, thriving church. I'm fortunate that with a large staff, I've been able to spend the last month "getting a feel for things" asking questions and watching the daily, weekly and now monthly rhythms of ministry in my particular setting. I'm keenly aware that if I were the sole pastor somewhere, I'd have to dive in a bit faster.
As I have been trying to figure out where I fit into the rhythm of work here at church, PreacherDad and I have been trying to figure out what the rhythms of our home life will look like. His schedule as a chaplain resident is a set 8-5 M-F plus at least one 12 hour on call shift each week. (this should be the same night most weeks, but may move from time to time.)

Being a preacher means that Sunday mornings and Wednesday evenings baby J will be in the church nursery. So, we're trying to work my schedule so that including those times, James is in childcare less than 40 hours a week. (30 hours/week would be my ideal situation)

Since PreacherDad's schedule is set by someone else, I'm really feeling the weight of finding a schedule that puts me at work enough to be available, useful and productive but that also allows me to spend some time with J during some of his waking hours. I still believe it is possible and necessary to set healthy family life patterns as a pastor, but I am beginning to grasp just how tough it is going to be.

In the meantime,right on the heels of this article, PreacherDad and I are sending baby J off to his grandma's for a week and heading to Sunny Southern California for a much needed vacation this week.
We are celebrating 5 years of marriage, survival of a major medical event, two seminary degrees and a beautiful little boy, and doing our part to reduce clergy burnout one sunny california day at a time!

Stuff

George Carlin has a hilariously funny bit on "stuff" that always makes me laugh. (just be careful, there is some adult language in it)

It has replayed in my mind about a million times as I've been dealing with getting all my stuff from IL to KS. We got rid of some stuff, but then, we inherited new stuff when we got here. It took hours for movers to load up all our stuff, another day to unload it all, and we are going on a week of trying to figure out where to put all of it in this big beautiful house. I am convinced that earlier generations must have had a lot less stuff, because they didn't build houses with room to adequately store an abundance of stuff. So now I find myself buying stuff to organize, hide, display and store the stuff we already had. And then, as I'm doing all that, I am just thinking about the Christian call to simplicity- "If you have two coats" and all that. So, I'm working on a personal goal to pass on more than I acquire in the coming year. I have a feeling my attempts will be very revealing about the relationship I have to my own stuff. I'll share my break-throughs and set-backs as they come. If you've successfully simplified, what was your first step?

Father's Day

Before J was born, back when he was just "Stinker," I bought PreacherDad the book "I Love My Daddy" by Sebastien Braun. It was his first Christmas present from "Stinker." I came across that book a few days ago as I was packing, and couldn't resist re-reading it. It's illustrations, by the way, are simply beautiful. Each page features the many things that Baby Bear's Daddy does with/for him. "My Daddy wakes me." "My Daddy feeds me." My Daddy plays with me." "My Daddy yawns with me." and so on... I smiled as I read, because PreacherDad does all those things and so many more.

He is known for getting up when J wakes up early and getting him breakfast. They watch PBS together, and PreacherDad knows -and sings, all the theme songs.

This year he has juggled his office hours around my class schedule so that J only spent one day a week in daycare, and the variety of toys in his office is evidence that sometimes he had to multi-task like a pro.

They're thick as thieves, those two... especially when they are doing something ornery like conspiring to tickle my feet. Nothing brings me more joy than to eavesdrop on bath-time on the baby monitor, as they splash play games, and laugh.

So on Father's day I am grateful for the memory of my grandfathers, for the continuing relationship with my own loving father, and for the joy of watching the love of my life turn into the best father I have ever met.

Even as I lift up my prayers of gratitude for these men, I also pray for so many children who do not have the love of a caring Dad in their lives. I pray that they will find caring, supportive, mentoring men in other roles in their lives. I lift up men who feel they have failed their own children, that they may find the forgiveness they seek and the transformation they desire. I also pray for those men who, with or without children of their own, have found ways to be fatherly to children who need them.

May God bless each of you this day.

Moving

I've more or less lost count of the moves I've made, but growing up I moved every 5 or so years, and in adulthood it has been even more frequent. So these are the tried and true moving techniques I learned as a third generation itinerant preacher (this my friends, is probably a whole other post.) It isn't particularly novel information, but it has been very helpful in my life. If you have tips to add, I welcome them!

These tips are true whether you are doing a u-haul style self move or hiring the pros.

1. keep a log. This is a must. Every box gets numbered, and then the contents and desired destination goes next to the corresponding number in the log. If you move with the pros, it will make their inventory smooth sailing and they will love you for it. Either way, you will be amazed when you can easily find that thing you just *have* to have right now!

2. If you can, assign each room, or at the very least, major areas its own color. Tag the box with its room color, and on move in day you can label the rooms so movers, (pro or amateur) can take boxes to the right space. It is so nice to have things in the right room when you unpack!

3. pack things from the same room together. This is the only way #2 will do you any good. Within the same room, you can mix things, say, heavy pots and pans with your dish towels to fill space without making the box too heavy to pick up.

4. Invest in your packing materials and then save them. Good boxes, if treated properly, will last you many many moves, and will save your stuff. Newsprint and bubble wrap are also essentials. Don't skimp, your stuff costs more than the paper! Dish packs are amazing for getting fragile dishes through a move, and they break down flat to be used over and over. Bubble wrap keeps a nice long time, but avoid keeping the newsprint if you'll be in one place more than a year or two. ( Mice could imagine nothing better than an endless supply of newsprint for nesting...EWWW)

5. If you have time, use moving as an opportunity to weed out your stuff and re-organize. sure, it would be easier to just throw stuff in the box, but who wants to unpack a hot mess in their new home?

6. *must have* box: a set of sheets for the beds you need, a towel for each person, a shower curtain and toilet paper should go in your vehicle and be clearly marked.

7. Finally, If you are using professionals, have your stuff packed when they arrive, have disposable cups for the crew to at least be able to have water, and be certain to leave toilet paper in the bathroom so that it remains "in service" throughout the day.